God brought me to Recovery at IBC on April 22, 2010 with the hope that this would be the place that would help my family to heal our brokenness and fix the broken thinking of my husband. I was honestly not ready to really look at myself, but Jesus knew this ministry would shed light on my own issues, even if I did not think I was the issue. I came to Recovery with him to make sure he came and participated in this program, yet I stayed for me.
I experienced trauma as a young child by someone in my family and I learned during this time that my biological father was not willing to be active in my life. As I moved through life, I used all this pain and hurt to define me and dictate how I should live my life. I was defining myself through this pain as unworthy and unlovable, unwanted. I was living life on my terms, each time trying to fix my life with one decision after another that would end up leading into constant chaos. I kept people at bay to protect me from pain, but that only increased the pain because I felt so alone and abandoned. I was depressed, confused and hopeless.
I knew God and knew His promises of love, grace and mercy, but adopting it into my heart was very difficult. I wanted to believe it with my whole heart. Beginning this process was also difficult; it was so hard and emotionally draining. I will not lie - I wanted to stop and close that closet full of secret past trauma.
I eventually became willing to uncover and address those things that I held close to me. I found hope in being transparent and vulnerable with others in Recovery at IBC. I never felt judged, criticized, or scrutinized by anyone in there. This was my safe place of healing. When people shared their own hope and strength through experiences discovered in working through their pain, it gave me the desire to continue with my own journey. When I started sharing more openly with others, I found that I had courage and strength because Jesus was with me in every detail of my life. Each time I prayed, I found that Recovery was helping to change how I felt when I prayed, which changed my idea of God, and therefore changed how I prayed. I found myself trusting him, resting in him, seeking him for guidance, and waiting for him to respond.
For me, this scripture speaks volumes:
Jeremiah 29:10-11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”.
I had to be willing to love myself enough to be committed to this change. This was free will and I had to ask myself if I was worth it. I wanted to believe I was worth it. I can honestly say now that I am worth it; I am the daughter of the one True King. I discovered through this journey that God had an abundant life waiting for me and I only needed to be open to Him and trust His plan.
I am in awe of how He has blessed me and moved me into places that I could not even imagine for myself. I have been able to embrace my changes and be thankful for all my experiences in life. I would not be who I am without them, as they have shaped me and molded me into becoming who God desires for me. Today, I trust God with my life, my joy, my everything. I believe his promises. I have faith that he will take care of me daily. I know he is my provision, my comfort, my safety, my creator, my guide, my Papa. Today, I have a confidence I never had before; I am not afraid to speak up and stand for His Word. I am okay with admitting I am broken and far from perfect, though I strive to be like Jesus. Today I am a better version of myself and being transformed in ways I did not think possible. I am not regretting my past or wishing to shut the door on it. Before, I would have handled situations differently, thinking I was showing strength but suffering huge consequences. But I wasn’t showing others Jesus in me. Today, I am astonished by how God leads me to handle circumstances very differently…as Jesus would. I have found my serenity and I know peace.
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At Recovery at IBC, we’re about real people learning how to apply the 12 Steps as a powerful model in our lives for alleviating emotional pain, stress, and control and for seeking practical spiritual development in Christ.
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FORMED
God is calling us, the people of Irving Bible Church, to become a multi-ethnic movement of missionary disciples, formed in the way of Jesus for the sake of the world.
We want to be a transformed people who experience vibrant spiritual growth together. We want the Spirit of God to shape us more and more into the likeness of Jesus as we follow him.