no matter how old i get
i can’t seem to loosen the grip
of fear from my lips
i used to have a stutter and a lisp
and for years my s’s would “thound like thith”
and that embarrassment runs so deep
to where even now the brief remnants of my stutter and lisp
play a much bigger emphasis on my life than i care to admit
under the surface my mind can’t seem to forget
the not too silent diss from the kids
in middle school saying
“silly Michael spit it out”
“he sounds like porky the pig with a sponge in his mouth!”
soaking up all of the S syllables with my tongue
as I stumbled over my words
until i just stopped speaking
so my stutter wouldn’t be heard
i know that may sound absurd
but i used to think i was just this little dude
whose throat swelled up in interviews
for fear that stuttering is not what winners do
But miraculously one day God said
“Michael, in your weakness my glory will shine through.”
I don’t fully know what happened
It was definitely not from any of my actions
but like a Holy Spirit chemical reaction
My fear of my stutter was overcome
So now my life is dedicated to those who think
they don’t have much to offer
Who think that God can’t use them because
they are too awkward
My poetry is for the ones who think no one notices
Whose days are filled with hopelessness
I am living proof that YOU have a purpose
And that your testimony is so much deeper
and so much more than what is on the surface
The above poem is featured in Michael's book Through the Storm, a collection of honest, conversational poems that explore the places where faith and fear meet.