You know that story in the Bible where a concerned mother brought her son to Jesus and said,
“My son hasn’t been able to speak clearly since he was a baby. He has fits of rage. He has intense pain all throughout his body and often cannot leave home because of his illness. He has periods where he will not respond and sometimes, he is driven to do things that would take his life if he were successful. No doctor has been able to help him. We have tried all the medicines. Nothing helps. But I know you can. Will you heal him?”
Then Jesus looked at the woman and said, “Woman, your faith is great but today it is not the Father’s will for me heal this child.”
And he sent the woman home with a pat to her shoulder.
Don’t know this story? That’s because I made it up. It’s not there. This story is nowhere in the Bible.
But this has been my story for the last seven years. We field a medical, or psychological, or behavioral challenge every single day. Sometimes they are so intense that we end up in the ER or a new specialist’s office for an expensive appointment and a new round of tests.
Every week there is something more that is medically pertinent and important. Lately it has been seizures. With each new complication I feel the heavy burden to educate myself and care for my child in ways that no mother should have to do. I watch my son suffer every single day. I watch the people who help me take care of him struggle under the weight of his care. His illness is profound and ugly and heavy.
This is not how it was supposed to be.
So, I look at my situation and I look at Jesus. I see who he is, and I read stories of other parents just like me who brought their children to Jesus for healing. And I plead with Jesus to advocate for my son—to go to God the Father for me and ask earnestly for healing. Why? Because I believe with my whole heart that Jesus is a healer. I believe that he is good. And I believe that he can heal my son.
But he has not healed my son yet. For seven years I have prayed and for seven years my son has not seen healing in his life. In fact, things have gotten more complicated in many ways.
As we have been going through the current series at church, God has been ministering to my heart. You know who else he didn’t save from suffering? Jesus. And who else had to suffer greatly? The disciples. And there are so many stories of people who were close to Jesus who didn’t have their most earnest prayers answered as they wanted, and they also suffered.
We had a very bad week two weeks ago. Every day was filled with bad news. We prayed and waited on God but the whole week was difficult. It seemed like set back after set back with our son. By the end of the week my husband and I were so discouraged, and I was also sick with a sinus infection. We felt like we had nothing else to give—we felt crushed under the weight of our grief. Our child is not supposed to be this sick. We cried out to God.
And he gave us peace that passes all understanding. And in the middle of everything bad, he reached down and sheltered us in his arms. For two whole days we had zero medical or psychological issues. We had moments with our child that other parents count as ordinary, but we see as miraculous. He gave rest to our souls. He reminded us that he holds us. The God of the whole universe holds me. He holds my family. And he holds my son. Delicately and insightfully, he preserves my son’s soul, and he relieves our burden when we are straining beneath the weight.
In that moment I had a new understanding of how powerfully God sustains.
He whispered to my heart, “Do not grow weary in doing good because at the right time you will reap the harvest if you do not give up.”
Friend, fellow IBCer, do you feel crushed too? Are you feeling disoriented because the Jesus in the Bible heals but you or someone you love isn’t healed? Me too. I feel that confusion every day. I don’t understand.
But I wonder if you would pause with me for a moment and see his power to sustain and give strength. Oh, what a gift! Oh, what freedom.
He never grows weary. He will not leave us or forsake us. No matter how sick we are, we are safe in his hands. And because he shields us, we won’t be crushed.
Thank you, God in Heaven, for sustaining me and giving me rest and peace in the middle of one of the worst bad things. I love you for that. Please never let me go.