I came into and go through life as an investigator (an enneagram type 5). My mind automatically questions everything I see, hear, and feel. It is never still. My answer to “what are you thinking” has never once been “nothing”. I also ask questions. A lot of questions. You know the type. (It’s okay to nod your head and sigh.)
Curtain Rises. I’m the person at the dinner party that wants to discuss politics in a presidential election year, the stock market during one of the most volatile markets in history and even (gasp) vaccines. I don’t do it to create tension. I do it to learn. A well written book or article can teach me, but a knowledgeable and passionate person will do one of two things: change my mind or convict me deeper into my own beliefs.
Change of scene from dinner party to church. Since it’s my life, I’m still in the movie. I have attended church since infancy and as I grew so did my questions. I would carefully choose my debate partner and expertly bring up the spiritual topic on my mind. Unfortunately, responses were short and often sound like, “I know that your beliefs are stronger than your doubt” or “you don’t really feel that way” or, my favorite and most often used, the simple “just have faith”. These responses left me full of shame and led to even more confusion and in some cases I seriously wondered whether the person was hearing impaired.
Clearly my questions were due to a lack of faith. There was no scientific argument or mathematical logic that could prove otherwise. The problem was I didn’t want to find shelter and hide in my faith, I needed to live and breathe in it. End scene.
I longed for the truth and not placation. The truth was that I craved God’s word and I needed to talk to Him more instead of studying doctrine. We had recently moved to the suburbs and moved our church home to a local Bible church, and I began looking closer at what God said about me and His plans for me. I marveled at the irony that He in His perfection had more tolerance for my doubt than His people ever could. I had been looking for God in human form and had been angry when they couldn’t deliver.
Alister McGrath wrote “Faith is not something that goes against the evidence, it goes beyond it.” I agree in that I don’t believe that faith picks up where the facts stop. I believe that faith carries the facts forward.
Luckily faith is only available to believers and I am a believer. My faith is the exact same faith that was given to the disciples and even to Jesus himself. I wouldn’t doubt Jesus’ faith and I won’t doubt mine or yours. Questions and all.
Today I am retired from corporate life and work at my church part time. I am surrounded by brilliant Bible scholars, beautiful giving hearts and some amazing friends. So…. can any one of them answer my questions? Maybe. Sometimes. Can Jesus answer them? Always.
In the meantime, I walk often from Genesis to Revelation with some of my friends - Abraham, Sarah, Moses, Thomas and Paul to name a few. They are good listeners and we have just a little something in common.
FORMED
God is calling us, the people of Irving Bible Church, to become a multi-ethnic movement of missionary disciples, formed in the way of Jesus for the sake of the world.
We want to be a transformed people who experience vibrant spiritual growth together. We want the Spirit of God to shape us more and more into the likeness of Jesus as we follow him.